I was escaping the fact that things that are not same anymore, were only things worn by the time.
If they could talk to me, they would probably be either snob enough to have passed two years of existing or be wise enough to be present and be accepting that the world evolves. And so does everything else it contains.
I hated it. I hated it everytime I smelled you. Little that I knew it was simply the smell of nothingness. I made that smell, that same nothingness it offers. The smell of being left, the absence of whoever.
But room, trust me, I was not away, I am sure. It was all I could do. My other room on the other side of the world, maybe it was your friend, contained me all this time.
You accepted me. You hampered me with a void in which I could rest my weary head, release stupid thoughts, explore the memento I never needed, and shiver upon the too-cold air conditioning. As much as you stayed the same, you just did not feel familiar, yet. The void felt too big and somehow it keeps changing at sizing, trying to fitting the size I assume it should have been.
But room, trust me, I am trying as well.
Let me have this king size bed and let me sleep on the right side. That used to be my favorite place. Well, shit happened. The unfitting bed sheet made it even harder for me to easily acknowledge that it used to be my favorite place. I tried to tell the bed to hug me. It did not.
You distributed the light evenly to every corner the last time I visited. The light helped highlighting the freckles and dark spots I have all over my cheek, especially on the left side. It was a very enjoyable skincare ritual. I was sold that night.
I might have figured out what we need. If we were worn by the time, then let's eat the time we might have forward. Maybe on the next portion of time, we finally buy each other. As close as we were, as warm as the coldness that bites my skin, as intimate as belonging.
I will not escape, anymore.
****
Tidak akan ngekost lagi.
Soalnya ada kamar.
Terima kasih, Kamar.
